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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the silhouette the face always turned away's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, October 16th, 2003
3:19 pm
I had the inexplainable urge to take a look at this old thing and start writing a entry here and there in it. I haven't updated this one for a good 4 months, and I figure now is the time to break that run.
-
I haven't been up to far too much. Inamorata ended and Sam and I have now started a new band which I like a lot more, I don't have as many bad feelings about this band as I did the last. I recently got a new bassoon and there is still the possibility of me going off to conservatory if I choose. Oh, and I am now an Aunt, my sister had a baby on the 4th of July, how great is that? The valley has been pretty quiet as usual, and therefore I have been pretty bored. But I have been going to shows on a much more regular basis than before. I am going to ATP too, which I am very excited about. And, well, I am sure there are other things I could mention, but I don't really have the time to right now. Sorry if you are a friend of my new journal and have to read double posts from me. Anyways, I hope you are all doing well. <3.

(7 do me a favor and | let me know)

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003
4:15 pm
And so it is decided, actually, blatantly obvious, that I am a giant. Yes, I am a giant. Perhaps, more appropriately...an oaf?? Be the judge yourself, I am freaking huge. I never thought 5'9 & 1/2 was huge until today.

and so you see...

Lovely funny uniforms, eh?? That damn thing burned my neck, I was a red neck for a few days, hardy har har. Anyways, those are the gardens in Edinburg, we did a performance there.
-
And this is the band...well, at least a portion of it. This is the picture of the performance in the gardens.

we were about 80 strong, even if it does not look so

And here is where the band did the other little performance, it was a marching thing.

look off in the distance, at the volcanic rock...that is what the castle is built on, at the peak of it

-

Behind the band is Tivoli Gardens (Copenhagen, Denmark) where we also had another performance, but there are no pictures up of that one.

I bet you can&apos;t find me, I am truly lost in a sea of conformity

-

Anyways, that is enough pictures for now. They don't have many on the site and there aren't any of me anyways. They didn't even include my quote...they sent around a pad of paper asking people to write quotes and they included everyones but mine, the fuckers. I guess they didn't like my poking fun at the drummers stupidity for getting stuck in an elevator. Blah. Anyways, *waves*
-Nancy

(7 do me a favor and | let me know)

7:06 am
Yea. I'm alive. Why should you care? *ushers you off to other journal to read* :)

(3 do me a favor and | let me know)

Saturday, April 12th, 2003
6:44 pm
Who is yahoo mail to say that an email from W.A.S.T.E. goes into my bulk mail box. The f'in idiots don't know a piece of precious email from spam.
-
I almost totally got caught doing exactly what I wasn't supposed to do. The whole theory of 'it isn't bad until you get caught doing it" is true in the case of using the second computer down here at my work. So I am sitting here typing away and looking at stuff and I see my boss walk by and I go into flip out mode. 1) I am sitting there obviously using the computer that has a sign on it that says DO NOT USE THE COMPUTER!!! 2) Besides being on that computer, am tieing up her fax line by being online, which is probably even more of a no no than having the computer on. For some weird reason she wasn't looking through the window as she walked by and did not see me, she went and chatted to the lady right next to this shop that sells charm bracelets. Now I am sure that lady is a spy so I wait until 6 when she leaves to go online now. The boss came in here a few minutes later and all the evidence was discarded (comp shut off, line put away [which I had a hard time figuring out what to do with])and I was sweeping as if I was doing my afternoon cleaning. I wasn't about ready to be fired over a stupid computer. Blah.
-
And oh my, an Elvis look alike just walked by, wow. This guy had the look down to the hair and glasses, this town is creepy.
-
That one gay guy that came in here a few weeks ago still comes in here every day to see "his" jacket. Yesterday he told me to take it out of the case I made and said he was going to buy it, that definitely did not happen. Today he walked in here and looked as if he slept outside for 2 nights. He was twitching the worst I ever saw him (of the approximate 4 times he has come in), he seriously looked like he was about to collapse. I whiped off all the glass with disinfectant once he left, he drooled or something, gross. He was yelling and screaming something at passer-by's as he left. If he comes in one more time I am seriously notifying the boss, he is almost a stalker. He stole a lighter too, and the only normal pen I had left here. Grrr.
-
So yea, tomorrow I leave on a bus to LAX, then a flight to London Heathrow, and then from London to Coppenhagen, Denmark. I am going to be traveling an approximate 19-21 hours. Lovely fun ehh? Even more fun considering the girl I get to sit next to, thank god for CD players. I am not going to be getting any sleep though, I can tell already, I leave at 10:30 in the morning, I will have too many things going on to even try sleeping. And the sucky part, they are going to wake us up around 6 every day. When they told us this I said "you are kidding me, this is supposed to be spring break. I don't even wake up till 7:15 for school, how do you think you can manage getting me up?" I can't wait until we make it over to scotland though, I am going to take a picture with the Brave Heart statue in front of this one castle as I should have done 5 years ago. Jesus, it has been 5 years already since my first trip over seas.
-
Normally I would say if you email (look at my info) me your address or comment with it I would write you, but its a little late for that. But how about this, I will most likely find an internet cafe over then and if you post it or email me I will see what I can do... I will try checking my mail tomorrow morning so I just may be able to jot it down before I leave.
-
Anyways, expect to not hear from me until around the 22 or 23. I hope you all take real good care and handle the heat well. xoxo (kisses and hugs, not hugs and kisses ;)
<3
Nancy

Current Mood: excited

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Sunday, April 6th, 2003
10:06 am
my feeble stance: i wish my nail wasn't broken, then i could type properly
my feeble stance: blah

bearly spoken: you broke you nail

my feeble stance: my middle one
my feeble stance: its like beautiful break though
my feeble stance: like a chipped tooth
my feeble stance: i like it
my feeble stance: *shakes head*
my feeble stance: i don't know why.

bearly spoken: nancy you are odd

my feeble stance: i know
my feeble stance: i can't help it
my feeble stance: :-)

Current Mood: dorky

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Saturday, April 5th, 2003
10:31 pm

cat power


Which Indie Girl Band Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

*gasps* so saw that coming.

and if i change one or two of my answeres (because i change depending on my mood) i am...

YOU ARE TRACY + THE PLASTICS!
tracy + the plastics


Which Indie Girl Band Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

another good one, yay.
-
Now i can go to sleep in peace. haha. Yea right, there are wild cats setting off the sensored lights off at the house diagnol to mine. The damn light perfectly hits my shutters and leaks into my room when they are completely shut. Come summer, i am putting draps up. :)
*waves*

(let me know)

6:35 pm
Its weird when people you have met once and acted all superior to you that one time act all "buddy buddy" with you. Maybe the guy wanted an excuse to hug me, haha. Totally kidding. Sorry, boy, i am not a professional tennis player or model or rich girl you can live off of.
-
I just got a phone call from Marcail and the kids on the Lust Bus going to Hogue Barmichaels in Newport. Every seat was taken and people were drunk. They are all loud drunks. Haha, my bassist threw up already? And I am sitting here at work instead of at Hogue Barmichaels supposed first ever 'sold-out'show. Sighs, oh well. I am going to go to Coachella (saturday at least), weeee. I won't have to deal with people throwing up on buses there...ok, so i am trying to make the good look bad but it just is not working. Jesus I suck at this...
-
Wow, the street sweeper just went by. It is really loud out here today because there was some classic car show. I walked past most of the cars with Miss Tara J and went and got a jamba juice. <3. And I haven't hung out with Miss Kaci either...whats with that, Kaci?? People that work at target are busy folks I shall take.
-
My parents depart for their hiking trip to Machu Pichu tomorrow. That means I get to wake up early and take them to the airport, then practice my bassoon and go to a competition where I am going to get marked down points for not memorizing my music. Fuckers. Then i get to spend lots of "quality" time with my grandmother. At least I will have a car, and she thinks I am getting home after 8 every night. Thats a plus.
-
Thats a long enough update full of crap to satisfy your sleepy eyes. I am slowly going to be writting less in here, uh oh, better figure out what the blatantly obvious new username is. Haha. Have a nice night all!
-Nance

(3 do me a favor and | let me know)

Monday, March 31st, 2003
9:36 pm
So um yea, hiya. I suppose i will make a public post. I have a new journal, if you can't figure out the username you are--simply put--an idiot. I am still going to be updating in here, i don't see any reasons why not to, but mostly because i belong to 10 communities on this journal and i don't want to add them to the new journ, it clutters my friends list. So i was just mentioning that on a side note. :)
-
Currently i am trying to think of what shows are coming up. Anyone have any suggestions?? Tara just asked me about Elliot (may 9th) and i am so there. I haven't looked at ticketmaster lately though. I am still really bummed about missing sigur ros...i am even more bummed about missing bright eyes and the faint. blah. I will eventually get to go to another show again, i swear. I am contemplating going to Coachella. Before i thought no, and now i am thinking my parents would actually not care about me going. The catch (other than the price)? I can only go saturday (assuming i can switch a day at work) because i cannot afford to miss an orchestra rehearsal, i am already missing half of them before the concert. Another blah.
-
And today. Well, today that cold i had came back to me. The bastard man. i have been told it lasts exactly 3 weeks and apparently i have not payed my dues, shucks. The neck is achey as well as the back, my nose is runny, my eyes are watering, my throat is driving me crazy. Blah for the third time. Grrr, the battery in my chordless mouse just died. Its has just been one of those days i guess you could say.
-
That is enough from me, i only planned on a short update. I hope the weekend was nice for you all and take care this week.
-nance

Current Mood: blah

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Saturday, March 29th, 2003
3:24 pm
everytime the day darkens down and goes away pictures open in my head...
Once again i do not know just where to start. I suppose i can just go back in time (from most recent) and then go forward to the future, i love doing things that way.

- - -

Last night i finally watched The Rules of Attraction. Not sure just what to say about that movie, i think i need to watch it again. It was filmed at University of Redlands, i am still wondering how they got it to look like it snowed there, haha. Some gorgeous shots in that film. Disturbing though.
-
I also saw this movie Rain which was made in New Zealand i am taking. It was about this 13 year old girl i suppose coming of age and watching her parents marraige fall apart as her mother engages in an affair. It was hard to tell if it was actually old (it said 2001) or they meant for it to seem like it was old. The ending was so sad, i won't give away what happens though in case some one out in cyber space rents it.

- - -

Ariela turns sweet 16 today. Happy Birthday you beautiful jewish princess you!. We ate at Jillian's on El Paseo in Palm Desert last night. It was really really good...bread like you use to make at home, salads with little dressing and lots of extras the way they should be, spaghetti with a 4 cheese sauce and pistachios!, choclate cake and choclate covered strawberries.
-
Interesting conversations took place, that is to be expected. I actually started talking of things that couldn't be understood, marcail could vouch for that. I resent that some boy seemed to think that hot hot heat was the only band i listen to, i think he holds a grudge because i went and saw them instead of his band (who wouldn't). Asshole. He said i should take a guy from hot hot heat to the prom, yea, well, fuck you. I won't go to prom... guys would die before going to prom with me anyways. Even if i would take vintage prom to another level. Ok, ok, i was a little over sensitive. But that comment got under my skin.
-
Anyways,I thought it was a wonderful night for a wonderful girl. Someone inexplainably did not show up, i think i am more upset than the host, haha. Its rude to not tell the host if you are not coming, right?

- - -

This is a long entry already so i don't want to write more about what already happened. Palm Springs is really busy these days and despite the current breeze i can feel the heat coming on, i don't like it. I am seeing just how often other people lie and fool themselves, and i witness how much i play with the truth because i don't like to see things as they are. I don't feel as much sympathy for others as i use to. I am empathetic, sure, but i don't feel sympathy much. I am becoming cold, i don't really like it, it scares me because i always thought i would end up like this. I am trying to get away from the world and just can't get out of the atmostphere. But i also put such a guard up that no one can get in and help me. And i am being selfish too... i have said "i" far too many times in this entry.
-
Enough about me. What about you?? What are you doing these days?? What do you think of the world?? Who/what do you trust, if anyone/anything? Would you help me if i gave you the chance?? Do you ever wish that you could just start life over like a video game and try and try until you get it right?? Do you think you really know what love is, and if so have you been in love?? How do you see yourself in the future?? Me?? Society?? The world??
Are you wishing i would stop and say good bye right now?? Well, you are in luck, farewell.
-nancy

Current Mood: empty

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Wednesday, March 26th, 2003
8:01 pm
I discovered 1 click order today on Amazon, that is probably not a very good thing. But it is a good thing because i never see the bill. It is a potentially bad thing because there is always the possibility of me getting in trouble for being sneaky. Oh well. Either way i have Neutral Milk Hotel's In The Aeroplane Over The Sea. I see this as a win win situation.
-
Last night i was at an Inamorata practice. I almost felt foreign there at first, it had been too long since we last had a practice. But then this comforting feeling comes over you and you know where you belong. <3. Why do i love music so much? Me oh my. I really need to practice guitar more often, my fingers are hurting today, i have no excuse for this. I also had a lesson with my bassoon teacher, it seems likely that i will purchase her bassoon in the next year. That means i will be short 15 grand, haha, more like my parents will. Why are my passions always so damn expensive? Reminds me, i am trying to think of what my next big purchase shall be. I am finally thinking that i want an amp, that way i can experiment with sound on my own time. But i am also seriously considering investing in a new guitar, this washburn is giving me problems up on the higher strings in terms of volume, its indecisive and stubborn like me. I am sure Whitney could help me out with the decision, she and i are planning on going to black market music sometime in the future when we acquire the funds.
-
Right now, well, it is very windy out. Its a pleasant surprise because this morning i walked outside when i first woke up--as usual-- and realized it was too hot to wear a jacket if even for a short time (like 2 hours). I dislike the warm weather, it makes me wish that humans could hybernate in the summer when it is too hot like animals do in the winter. I also figured that way the two species don't run into each other as often and therefore one would not have to prove its power over the other. Haha. Sorry, got way off track there. In short, its getting hot out and it is so not cool.
-
As of now, the tour to Denmark, Sweden, and Scotland is still on. And it sure as hell better not be canceled, because they would have a very disgruntled concert goer in their hands. A lot of shows are going on while i am gone... i am even missing Bright Eyes while i am still here for a few reasons, *tear*. And if i get news that after sacrifices have been made i am no longer able to get this trip over with, someone is going to get a bassoon reed jammed in their throat, because so many shows will be sold out by then if they are not sold out already. God damn war. Grrrr. Btw, this is the 5th day i haven't watched the news (because all it is is war coverage). I am proud of myself, :)
-
That is all i suppose...its quiet in my journal these days. Its like no one reads anymore. Oh well. Stay safe all.
<3
Nancy

Current Mood: content

(6 do me a favor and | let me know)

Sunday, March 23rd, 2003
9:14 pm
So i embarked on a little hike this afternoon with my dog and camera to get away. I went and got vegan food from natures rx and then totally ruined it by scarfing down some choclate malted crunch ice cream. After i finish off this carton i am going to go back to being a vegan for a little while. Maybe it will help me feel in control of something since i can't control anything else.
-
I was watching the academy awards since fox sunday was canceled for stupid jurassic park. Michael Moore involved with Bowling for Columbine totally rocked, calling Bush ficticious. Susan Sarandon flashed a quick peace sign, she is too big a name to do something extreme at such a prestigious event. Adrien Brody (sp) won best actor for The Pianist (which i have yet to see) and i appreciated his wish for a quick and peaceful solution to the war. That is all i really saw of the awards because i started watching them late and left early to order some music. But i was appaled by Eminem getting best song. jesus. So little taste.
-
Anyways. Ta ta.
-nance

(4 do me a favor and | let me know)

1:55 pm
Where to start oh where to start. I hate how you look nice one day and all of a sudden you grab attention. As if looking good one day changes peoples opinions about you. I hate people randomly talking to you because they think you boost their image. I hate people trying to show sympathy towards something/someone they could not even remotely understand. I hate people that bask in their glory and act as if their fall will never come... sure it is 'living it up', but be fucking real. But the thing i hate more than people, is war. bloody fucking war.
-
Last night driving home you have no idea how many times i just wanted to ram into something and end it all. I don't like this world. I don't like the people in it. And i don't think anything is going to change this feeling for a while. I don't like how no matter how well or bad things are going, i am always going to be fucking miserable. Because i always find something to dwell on, something that upsets me beyond words. Always find something to cry about. I am just a fucking over sensitive baby, i will be the first to admit it, and the first to say i hate it. Its amazing to sit in a room and feel the emotions coming out of me. I switch from a generally good mood to i hate everything in.0376 seconds.
-
And i hate how i act all nice to people when inside i am just screaming obscenities at their faces that have no clue about. And i hate how i feel so trapped into being that smiling face and helping hand. I hate being dependable and known for leding a shoulder to cry on. No one no longer takes up those offers...why should i bother being nice if all i feel is disgust at what i never get in return. I hate how people act as if they are actually interested in you, and then rip at you once you leave a room. I hate how you have to act to actually be accepted. I hate what people think is appropriate these days. I hate that people don't have any respect or sense of responsiblity. But i am being the hypocrit here, because, wait, i am not responsible in any way now am i.
-
And now i hate that i am so content with hating everything. Haha. Aren't i just a bundle of joy this afternoon. I was never even close to this disgruntled or hateful before this fucking war. Fuck you Bush. I suppose you could say i have officially lost faith in humanity. Blah. I am so damn frustrated. I don't have an outlet, what is different. And i don't like that i already went on saying all sorts of things i am going to regret saying in here. But i will wish even if that leaves me empty... i just wish i could build a time machiene, and go back in time. And i would be selfish, i wouldn't change the world, i would build myself a house in a secluded forest and i wouldn't have to think about people or politics or war ever again. Sure, that is no way to live, but that fucking beats this. Screw writing anymore, i am going to go eat something in hopes that it will cool me off some... seems very unlikely. I hope you are all taking the current situation and problems better than i, because i am just a fuck.
-nance

Current Mood: aggravated

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Wednesday, March 19th, 2003
11:22 am
The return of the electric chair to my journal, not half bad timing. I found this pic of the american flag with money underneath it that i had originally put on here, but it wasn't like me to have something that obvious. The chairs are in a more "springy" color... have i mentioned how i hate the spring. oh well. Just posting about their return. *waves*

(5 do me a favor and | let me know)

10:02 am
So it comes to sickness. I have foreseen this for weeks now. I managed getting through school yesterday, and even a dress rehearsal and concert. But i woke up this morning with no voice... i couldn't tell anyone, i just layed in bed till 7:35 hoping someone could put together the pieces. I've been having chronic ear aches which sucks because it effects my tuning.
-
Last night jeff had to hold a tuner up for me during an exposed bassoon part so i could see what i need to adjust since my ears were useless. I was unsensitive to dynamics for the first time since like 5th grade. Luckily, i could hear somewhat at my orchestra concert monday night, which by the way, was sooo good. The typical horror story occured though, my reeds were gone upon my arrival back stage (i figured they were at home two hours away or in the back seat of my parents inacessible car parked anywhere in orange county). I played the entire concert on a reed i managed to salvage and make cooperate for about five hours. The concert was two and a half hours after an abnormablly long dress rehearsal, i was dead afterwards.

- - -

Today is one of those days that you are going to look back at and say, "this is what i was doing when ___ began". I get to say i was sick, haha. Whenever i get home it seems i am either glued to the tv and trying to follow what is going on... or off in my room listening to music trying so hard to ignore and forget it. I dislike going to school and hearing that i have no choice but to support the president since our people are putting their lives at risk. Yes, i understand the latter, and i am no longer going to make a big deal and point out all the reasons to not go to war. But why the hell should i support fuckin' Bush?? I am hearing and reading about all sorts of things that i don't feel like listing because this entry is long enough already, but i doubt i will ever support Bush in his decision, i will support the troops i suppose since they are afterall putting their lives at risk, it would be selfish and inconsiderate to say otherwise. I am at a loss now... its more difficult to type what you say or believe, and i don't think i will write anymore because whenever i touch on this subject in my journal i get bombarded with comments against me and what i am saying. Is it better to be a sheep through out this whole war business??
-
I feel guilty about a lot of things today as well. Once again, i do not feel like listing just what. I am not going to sit here and throw a pitty party either because nothing is ever what it is cracked up to be, although that would appropriately reveal my maturity level. I am disappointed in myself, abilities, and accomplishments once again... i don't know if this is me thinking or me feeling forced to think this way since all i ever get from the parents is negative feed back. I say one positive thing and they always try to find a way to make it seem horrible and impossible to grasp. All hope is shredded in this house, not a comforting dwelling for a dreamers."The future has got me worried such awful thoughts. My head is a carousel of pictures. The spinning never stops". Thank you Conor, always has the lyrics for any feeling. I am kind interested in what sort of protest songs are going to come about from this war though, really. Maybe its no longer "appropriate", blah.

- - -

I guess i will take a nap or finish the water color i started last night. Anything to get away. I should probably start with putting my guitar away, i guess i slept with it laying on my bed, thank goodness i don't move much when i sleep or there would have been more tears this morning. Everyone take care today, really.
-nance

Current Mood: cold

(let me know)

Sunday, March 16th, 2003
8:23 pm
A quick update right now won't kill me. I just got out of a damn near 4 hour rehearsal, i am so chopped. I have my concert at UCI tomorrow night, too soon i say. We are playing Tchaikovsky's 4th symphony, the Grieg Piano Concerto, and a part of Offenbach's Orpheus in the Underworld. Next "season" we get to play Dvorak's New World Symphony *drools in anticipation* I have played so many classic orchestra pieces this year, its pretty kool.
-
When i went into Fullerton with the band yesterday for the festival it was raining so hard, i loved it. Probably because i was actually prepared and had an umbrella. haha. The group played pretty well, or, at least i felt i did. It turned out there was a bassoon masterclass later on in the day and i was the only one who showed up. It was just me and the teacher who was a girl who is doing graduate work at USC after doing her undergrad at CSUF. It was pretty kool cause we just did some duet's and talked about reed's and performance, dorky bassoon stuff. There were a few people in there listening to us and they said they couldn't believe i was a junior. I blushed, haha, it was a nice compliment. But now i have a way to get lessons at USC. But i am being told that i could get a full ride to CSUF and be given special attention and all (*special attention as in the conductor being partciularly nice to me so as to keep me there), but i am not sure still. I am shopping around i will say, i am not selling myself cheap. Haha, i sound so unbelievably conceited right now, and perhaps i am at the moment. I feel confident for once, i don't see much wrong with that.
-
On a side note i suppose, i held a boys hand a small portion of the way home and then was told that "your a really really hot girl, but, ummm, i like other girls". I am so damn use to that line, i am sick of it. People always make excuses with me and its stupid. All guys ever are for me is a let down. Its not like i would ever ask for any sort of commitment. Just someone to sit and talk with... i am not the overly public "i am with this person and i'll proove it"sort of girl. Maybe i scare boys, it seems like i do. And i ask what do i do wrong other than be myself. Jesus. The dating world is not ready for me. hahaha. I only have my music to make me feel better these days, everything else is literally shit.
-
I have seen some stupid people around here lately, or should i say idiots?? Last night i was driving up to del taco and there is a mini van driving along behind me with no head lights on. I mean, sheesh, what do you have to be on to drive without your head lights on?? Really?? The other evening some lady was driving in the middle of two lanes because she couldn't decide which one to stay in, she practically hit me because she finally went into the right lane and then decided to not see me in the left?? Stupid old people. Seriously. I did see the cutest little emo couple down town all geared up with their hoodies and converse. Sniffles. They were adorable and tiny with glasses and scragily hair (that wasn't dyed black). I normally don't catagorize music goers but they were definitely emo. I saw a lot of weird musician couples when i was at the festivals, inter-band relationships are quite humorous.
-
Anyways, i doubt i will have a chance to update until wednsday. Tomorrow is the "decision day" i guess, but i am not going to have a chance to watch the news at all so i really won't know until tuesday, if even then. They were talking about it non stop in npr tonight and i had to turn it off and listen to death cab for cutie, i couldn't stand hearing about the situation. Off to the simpsons for the 4th time tonight, Fox actually made a good move giving them 2 hours this evening. Stay safe everyone.
-nancy

Current Mood: busy

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Saturday, March 15th, 2003
9:56 am
she knows shes losing it...
I changed my user picture again. I like the other one, and eddie was correct and saying that is reminded him of the 60's. The painting on the wall in that panda express makes you think that too. This new one ariela took of my as well, its just a little tough to see. Alen labeled it the "supermodel picture". Lol. Funny kid. I also changed the background to this picture i took a while back, but the colors don't really match up right now. I picture trail freakin canceled my account so i no longer have a server or whatever. Any suggestions??
-
Today is the lovely music competitiong at CSUF. Blah. I have a head ache right now and i really don't feel like playing, even if it isn't really for more than an hour. Its the idea of being stuck in a restraining uniform all day and ushered around in a huge group. Groups make me feel really uncomfortable. And then the bus rides to and fro with a bunch of noisy kids. I am really going to have to blast up my head phones. Oh well, the outcome will be interesting.
-
Right now it started sprinkling. The storm is coming through and i absolutely love it. I was talking to danny's friend aaron last night and i realized how much i love the rain and cloudy weather. I said that the two places i wanted to move to were San Francisco and England. Both similar climates. Hmmm. Some day maybe.
-
But i best get moving. I have yet to get this stuff called hair together. Why does having short hair have to be so impossible to get correct. Ehhh. oh well. Take care all and have a nice night.
-nance

Current Mood: groggy

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Thursday, March 13th, 2003
8:29 pm
So, things, are.... i don't know. I am hanging in these days. I am afraid of next week, so many things are happening. There are a lot of things i had to back out of like an audition for a scholarship, ehhhh, oh well. I've been listening through all my belle and sebastian cd's and somehow that always makes me feel better. I was messing around with that design i posted in here a while back last night and i put our band name on it and stuff, its ok i guess. I won't post it because i am going to change it. I never am done with my projects.
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School has been such a breeze lately it seems, i literally have absolutely free evenings. It is a luxury i am very willing to take. I am still not resting up for next week though, i get so caught up reading. I mean, seriously, i read newsweek as soon as i get it. It is so sad, but there is always something in there that catches my eye in one way or another. Like that little write up on cat power in there the other week.
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I am very upset with this one teacher at our school. It is a hard thing to explain. There is this guy, Dr. Murphy, who can see what is on any computer on campus at any time and interfer with it. So, in other words, he has the power to move your mouse around, open and close things, and even turn your computer off. This guy pinpoints certain computers in the library apparently, and i guess yesterday i signed into one he looks at a lot. He moved my mouse away from me probably 15 times. He even turned my computer off which pissed me off because it erased a portion of my power point, however small it may have been. And you know what, i think it is because he saw me browsing on ticketmaster signed on some other computer the other day and has been watching what i do online since then. Today the old bastard moved my mouse away from me i think close to 30 times. Its aggrivating because the computer screen flashes at least every 2 minutes because he messes with it so frequently. Something just really irks me about someone having the power to see everything you are doing and control it from their measely little lap top while they sit in their classroom. Grrrr. I wish school wasn't a government related deal, this sort of activity is totally an invasion of privacy and infringing on my freedom of speech (since he can limit what i can look at and not). Yes i am at school and they do have the right to have restricted sites, but sites that are not restricted that i am not allowed to visit is just, well, lame.
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I picked up Bick (my car) this morning and took him to school one last time. On the way home between after school and band practice he actually shut off. I was resorting to uttering obscenities because my cell phone was at school. But Buck was faithful and turned back on. I got to attached to that car. And i am realizing that i get attached to too many things in general. I get attached to people who don't even give a shit about me much to frequently. When i realize i never meant a thing to them, I am as bitter as heck. I feel so taken for granted. By everyone for the most part. People don't seem to be able to take the time of day to even wave or smile or say hi. When i try to get someones attention they pretend i don't hear me. A lot of things are irking me lately i guess. I guess a little appreciation from someone other than my music directors once in a while would make me feel more confident about people and their intentions and nature.
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Anyways, that was enough senseless ramblings. i never have steady topics in my entries anymore. Have a nice weekend all. <3
-nance

Oh yea, any comments on the new user pic from a picture ariela took of me?? I am getting another one up soon with my new hair "do" on it. haha.

Current Mood: content

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Tuesday, March 11th, 2003
8:32 pm
Hot Hot Heat's God God Dammit was my theme song today. So many things went wrong, i am sick of recounting it all. my car is essnetially useless now. It would be 5000 to fix it and i am unwilling to do that because its just is not worth it. Apparently its down two cylanders or something ( i basically fucked up the engine). Family issues have just gotten worse. Much worse. There is no comfort anywhere. No where to turn. Oh well. And suddenly one more year seems much too long, and yet not enough time. I really need to meet someone that i know i can depend on... because at this point i don't think i have a friend i can, only their parents. I think i need a new job, i want to start getting enough money to save for an apartment when i am 18, essentially 11 months to go... either that or get a bf who already has an apartment. Must meet someone i could eventually live with when i can leave this place.
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But now i don't know what to do. I have this unbelievably crazy schedule and no car. It wouldn't be a big deal if i was even on normal speaking terms with my parents, but any word that comes out of my mouth faces an argument. Blah. I am going to start looking around for cars i guess, my parents would die before considering getting me a car. They don't even want to let me go to college anymore it seems. They still think i am not going to graduate from high school, but what they don't realize is that i have all teh credits i need to graduate, i just need my last year of english. Oh well. 10 years from now they will realize. Haha. I hate how prolonged everything is to them.
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But as for now i guess it is back to my room. I am trying to fight of sickness, not to mention a mental breakdown. So much weight is put on me lately... music is much more stressful than it ever should be. Enough bitching. Take care all.
-nance

Current Mood: stressed

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Monday, March 10th, 2003
8:39 pm
So i am looking around the house, well, more like searching, for the chord so i can go online. And i look through the least likely spots, such as inside of coats and shoes and drawers, things of the sort. And i look through the storage things underneath the bed wondering where on earth this chord could be. And finally i think, its too easy but i'll check underneath the mattress and see if it is there. Sure enough the first thing i feel is this chord. i know my parents bedroom inside and out now. I am too nosy sometimes. I feel as if i am addicted to the internet because i won't stop looking for the chord, lol. I like the xcitement factor i guess... but they are bad at hiding things. It only took me an evenning.
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I am becoming sick which is never any good. I have a competition at CSUF all day saturday, a concert with my orchestra at UCI on monday, and then an honor band concert on tuesday. Always comes at the most inopportune time. I have to continue with the rotary competition i am being told, i have disliked competitions from an early age but i am not going to say that because if i get far enough in the competition i get a load of money. I am talking like a grand for the winner. Think of all the cd's i would buy...haha, so wouldn't happen. Also, Berklee is going to be out here in a month and i am going to audition just so i can see if they would offer me a scholarship up front. The results of this shall be interesting. If i was to go there i would probably end up majoring in something completely different. have i mentioned before that you can major in turn tables there?? i mean, sheesh, if i could do that i would. sad. but so true. And i also have to remember to contact San Francisco conservatory about summer stuff, they seemed interested in me last time i called.
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Nothing else is really going on right now. Things are a little hectic, but i am so use to that. Everyone seems to be sick. Including jana, get well! I have a lot of things on my mind and things i would like to say, but for a lot of reasons i am staying quiet. Very quiet. I have just been sitting back laughing at everything. People, the media, lj. Especially the socal_indie community as of late. Something is just so funny about them all bashing on one another over what is considered indie, and, just a lot of stuff in general...most of them are such intelligent people, i don't see why they do it. But what do you expect when you get a bunch of people from LA in one community, really? We can't have a nice scene or music community, we have to all be judgemental asses to one another. Not all of us, but a lot of us. Its stupid. I missed the DCFC show as i figured i would. I really wanted to see Velvet Teen, i have been reading a lot about them lately. And i still haven't purchased the faint or bright eyes tickets... i know they have to be sold out. they have to be. *tears(sss)* The guy in my orchestra is going to see Nada Surf, i just learned he is a godspeed you... fan, i had no clue. i hate how i can only go to shows on the weekend, basicaly friday and saturday. Just one more year man, one more.
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More than enough blabber from me. Have a nice week all.
-nance

Current Mood: groggy

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Sunday, March 9th, 2003
12:41 am
Sooo, 8 hours at work. Always fun. So not. What happens when i have a job where i do nothing and attend a school in which i still do not do anything is the below. These sorta things take me the span of weeks to normally finish... not to say it hasn't taken me that long to get 1/3 of it finished. But today i managed to finish it off. Must have taken 4 to 5 hours. I am going to stop making these sorta things unless i have entire days to kill. another example of what happens when i make so much free time
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Tara turned 18 today. whoop whoop (copyright). After work i went to her hotel room. I brought my blender there so they could make margaritas and then i came home because i had 11 curfew, stupid parents. i intended on sneaking back out so i could spend a little more time with her and get the blender back, but my mom is watching me like a hawk. i came out here to get my cell and text tara and she like ran out the door looking for me, hahaha. So classic. I am so not going down tonight is what i have to say.
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The weather was terrible today. It was in the mid 80's and sunny. I don't think anyone realizes how much i dislike the sun and the hot weather. I would rather have it hail on me than get sun burned and be sweaty. I guess my philosophy is that it is always easier to warm up than to cool down. I ran out of spf 50 too. Its hilarious, in the middle of winter i wear spf 50. But now the weather is like freakin' easter. At least during spring break i will be able to enjoy very very cold weather in europe. That is, assuming we don't go to war. If we go to war i am pretty sure the trip will be canceled. I guess they are giving Hussein until the 17th. That probablys means a decision will be made before we step on the plane, pooeee. I so want to go, i am day dreaming about england constantly these days. And i want to go back to scotland and resee all those places i saw so long ago. it will make me remember how i used to be, when i was at least half heartedly careless.
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But i am not nearly sleepy now and being ushered off to my room in a way. I can't sleep anymore, because i keep thinking of how things could have been or how things can be. I don't like facing the present... i guess it comes with being a dreamer. I guess i will go read some, goodness knows i will not be coloring in little designs like the above, i am designed out. I hope you all had a nice saturday night and a nice remainder of the weekend. happy b day tara j. <3
-nance

Current Mood: content

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