Last night driving home you have no idea how many times i just wanted to ram into something and end it all. I don't like this world. I don't like the people in it. And i don't think anything is going to change this feeling for a while. I don't like how no matter how well or bad things are going, i am always going to be fucking miserable. Because i always find something to dwell on, something that upsets me beyond words. Always find something to cry about. I am just a fucking over sensitive baby, i will be the first to admit it, and the first to say i hate it. Its amazing to sit in a room and feel the emotions coming out of me. I switch from a generally good mood to i hate everything in.0376 seconds.
And i hate how i act all nice to people when inside i am just screaming obscenities at their faces that have no clue about. And i hate how i feel so trapped into being that smiling face and helping hand. I hate being dependable and known for leding a shoulder to cry on. No one no longer takes up those offers...why should i bother being nice if all i feel is disgust at what i never get in return. I hate how people act as if they are actually interested in you, and then rip at you once you leave a room. I hate how you have to act to actually be accepted. I hate what people think is appropriate these days. I hate that people don't have any respect or sense of responsiblity. But i am being the hypocrit here, because, wait, i am not responsible in any way now am i.
And now i hate that i am so content with hating everything. Haha. Aren't i just a bundle of joy this afternoon. I was never even close to this disgruntled or hateful before this fucking war. Fuck you Bush. I suppose you could say i have officially lost faith in humanity. Blah. I am so damn frustrated. I don't have an outlet, what is different. And i don't like that i already went on saying all sorts of things i am going to regret saying in here. But i will wish even if that leaves me empty... i just wish i could build a time machiene, and go back in time. And i would be selfish, i wouldn't change the world, i would build myself a house in a secluded forest and i wouldn't have to think about people or politics or war ever again. Sure, that is no way to live, but that fucking beats this. Screw writing anymore, i am going to go eat something in hopes that it will cool me off some... seems very unlikely. I hope you are all taking the current situation and problems better than i, because i am just a fuck.